puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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