he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
