well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize