i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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