I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
