I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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