I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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