I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i think i have two assholes
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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