Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
