When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
