He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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