alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
