Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
