we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My vagina just recognized that song.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize