I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
