just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
