I am full of burrito and curiosity
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
