I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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