I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
