When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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