you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize