i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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