There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
