I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Randomize
