Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
