woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My vagina just clenched in fear
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