from now on my penis is your penis
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
