You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I bet he comes in French.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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