THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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