I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
