Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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