I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
