can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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