i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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