: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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