just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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