biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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