Im at strip club and am horny
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
