Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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