At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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