Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
