The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
