last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We just shotgunned beers for America
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
