you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
