he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
