My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
