my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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