i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
