I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
they need to just BURY HIM!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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