Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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