i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
