My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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