Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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