My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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