she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
