absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I will die if light touches me.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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