So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
