I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
