if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
