he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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