I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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