Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
