the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She needs sedatives and a leash
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
