Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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