Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
