i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
