Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
