but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
