i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
