im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
