I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
