When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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