All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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