Where did you get a picture of my penis
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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