Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
