id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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