i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
