I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
