I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
