He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
