Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
