Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
