conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
