I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize