In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
How does it feel to date your dad?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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