You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
