I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
