East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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