Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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