sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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