So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
