just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
