Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
