Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So vagazzling was a success
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
