last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Randomize
