Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
