I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
