everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
