cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
