D3 body, D1 cock
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Did I show you my penis last night?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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