dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
